|Table of Reviews|
Bullet Train – Review
Bullet Train – Budget of $86 million – 2 hours and 6 minutes
Yuichi Kimura sits near a hospital bed, where his son, Wataru, is in a coma. As Wataru’s grandfather, The Elder, walks in, Yuichi reports that someone pushed Wataru off a roof. The Elder tells his son, Yuichi, that a man protects his family. Yuichi found a note. The note states that Wataru’s attacker will be on the bullet train headed to Kyoto in seat B4. Yuichi buys a ticket and looks for him. As he approaches B4 with a gun, Yuichi finds a young girl sitting there. He apologizes, and she stuns him. The young girl is known as The Prince and wants to use Yuichi to set up her target, The White Death.
Maria’s called her best snatch-and-grab man, Ladybug, for a job after The Carver fell ill. She named him Ladybug because he is and feels notoriously unlucky. On all Ladybug’s past missions, someone accidently dies. After some time with his therapist, Barry, Ladybug is ready to return to work. Maria wants Ladybug to board the bullet train and find a silver briefcase with train stickers and get off at the next stop. Ladybug prepares for a simple job on a quiet train.
Lemon and Tangerine are twin brothers working for The White Death. The White Death’s enemies kidnapped his son, The Son, and held him for ransom. Lemon and Tangerine faked a ransom drop, killed the kidnappers, and got The Son. They will ride the bullet train and return The Son and the briefcase of money to The White Death.
A mobster raised The Wolf after The Wolf’s mother died. Now, The Wolf is a contract killer for the mob boss. After each hit, The Wolf comes home to his girlfriend, nicknamed mi corazón. Years later, The Wolf marries his girlfriend in a white tuxedo with the mob in attendance. The Wolf raised his glass of red wine just as a waiter bumped him, spilling wine on The Wolf’s tux. The Wolf left to clean his suit and got a bloody shock. All his guests, including his wife, were bleeding from their eyes and mouths. They all died. Later, someone uncovered that The Hornet poisoned The Wolf’s wedding, and now The Hornet will be on the bullet train. The Wolf swears to get his revenge. These killers are on the same train with a different mission. However, they will collide with a Fiji bottle, a barrette, a sticker, and one unfortunate incident (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). Oh, and there is a venomous snake loose on the train.
You CAN NOT be late for this movie. If you miss one second, go home. Based on Bullet Train by Kōtarō Isaka, this movie has surprises throughout the plot that will make you gasp, laugh, and scream (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). Between Ladybug’s therapy wisdom and Lemon’s Thomas the Tank Engine obsession, the audience will find quick laughs between the bloodshed. The fight scenes display the different styles with expert choreography and well-timed dialogue, and each assassin has a unique fighting technique and weapon of choice. While the story isn’t linear, the director placed the flashbacks in the right place to move the story forward. There is one mid-credit scene that will bring you to a visual zen. And believe that the above synopsis is only 25% of this movie. If you love Ambulance’s action, John Wick’s humor, and Death on the Nile’s mystery, this is the right movie for you. You will want to see it twice and bring a friend.
I give it 5 out of 5 stars
Let this be a lesson in the toxicity of anger – Ladybug
And your handler says, “Some conflicts require a gun” – Maria
When was the last time you ate a lemon meringue pie – Tangerine
Aren’t you glad we waited – The Prince
You lucky son of a b***h – The Wolf
You stole my snake, b***h – The Hornet
F**k no – Lemon
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank – Review
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank – Budget of $45 million – 1 hour and 37 minutes
Ika Chu puts the finishing touches on the Shogun’s palace before the Shogun arrives. There is a lot to do, but Ika Chu needs his cats to remove one eyesore blocking the perfect view. It’s a small town called Kakamucho, protected by a samurai. Ika Chu knows Kakamucho will cower without their samurai, so he sends an army of cats to defeat him. When the samurai sees the mass amount of cat warriors heading to the town, the samurai runs away, leaving Kakamucho defenseless.
The citizens of Kakamucho demand the Shogun send a new samurai, and the Shogun delegates the job to Ika Chu. Frustrated, Ika Chu has to follow orders but only to benefit himself. He sees a dog, Hank, facing execution for walking into cat territory. Hank admits to crossing the border only to receive samurai training. Ika Chu appoints Hank the new samurai because he knows the cats of Kakamucho will kill a dog on sight.
Ika Chu’s prediction is correct, and the cats attack Hank. But they stop when Hank proves he is the new samurai. Hank meets Jimbo, a hesitant sensei with too much catnip, and convinces Jimbo to train him. Ika Chu can’t fathom the cats accepting this dog, so he vows to destroy Hank and Kakamucho before Shogun arrives. Hank must prepare and learn the samurai’s ways so he won’t disappoint the town.
Loosely based on Blazing Saddles, this movie is hilarious (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). From beginning to end, the characters never forget it’s a movie. They talk about running time, title cards, and movie executives. It takes everyday activities, like tweeting, and transforms the tweet into an actual bird. The writers don’t make adult innuendos to please parents, but the writing is genuinely funny. This film is an animated, classic comedy you grew up watching. It’s worth every penny, and you will enjoy it more than your children.
I give it 5 out of 5 stars
I call it the Super Bowl because it’s a super bowl – Ika Chu
I only came to this country to learn to be a samurai – Hank
The new samurai is a dog – Emiko
No. This is my favorite part. The part where you suffer – Jimbo
None taken. Constructive criticism is always welcome – Ohga
I cut the telephone line – Chuck
Forgiven. Forgotten – Shogun
Categories: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Aasif Mandvi, Andrew Koji, Bad Bunny, Benito A Martínez Ocasio, brad pitt, Brian Tyree Henry, Bullet Train, Djimon Hounsou, Gabriel Iglesias, George Takei, Hiroyuki Sanada, Joey King, Mel Brooks, Michael Cera, michael shannon, Michelle Yeoh, movie, Must Buy, Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank, review, Ricky Gervais, samuel l jackson, Sandra Bullock
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