Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes – Review

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes – Budget of $120 million – 2 hours and 5 minutes

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A human-made virus increased apes’ intelligence and gave them the ability to speak, but it did the opposite for humans. One of the apes led them to prosperity. His name was Caesar, but he died many generations ago. Today, the Eagle Clan is a close-knit group that will celebrate the bonding ceremony at sunrise. Noa, urged by his mother, runs to his father, Koro, with his eagle egg. Noa found it in the highest nest with a strenuous climb. Koro is proud but smells a unique scent on Noa’s blanket. Noa admits an Echo – their name for a human – took his blanket, but Noa retrieved it. Koro demands to know if Noa went into the valley. Noa truthfully says no because the valley is forbidden. Noa relaxes with his friends before the bonding.

Noa catches an odor coming from a tent and investigates. He finds a female Echo hiding inside and scares it away. The Echo charges past him and breaks his egg. He needs it for the ceremony. So, he travels into the forest to get a new one. Walking along the river, he finds the bodies of several apes he knew. He hears the Coastal Clan riding on their horses and hides. They use electrified weapons to subdue and kill their adversaries. They see Noa’s horse in the woods, shock it, and follow it to the Eagle Clan. 

Noa hurries home to warn the others, but it’s too late. Proximus, leader of the Coastal Clan, had his army attack the Eagle clan and take them prisoner. Koro and Noa free Koro’s eagles before battling Proximus, but Proximus defeats them. Noa wakes up in the morning. The Coastal Clan killed Koro and stole the Eagle Clan. Noa travels through the valley and vows to bring them back. Noa will learn the truth about Caesar, the Echos, and Proximus’s greatest desire. Proximus is hunting the female Echo because she is the key to the evolution of his Kingdom of Apes. 

This latest Planet of the Apes installment has mesmerizing graphics, heart-warming laughs, and a captivating storyline (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). The plot slows when Noa uncovers Promxius’s plan and meets Raka. Raka is a wise elder and original disciple of Caesar. The writers use this meeting to give Noa time to learn about the lost ape culture and the height of human intellect. Also, they quietly slip today’s issues throughout the film. Don’t get confused. This film occurs several generations after Caesar died. So, the Apes lost or misunderstood their history and Caesar’s doctrine. One thing Apes and Humans want is knowledge. It’s the key to their survival, but can they coexist? This plot point is the movie’s standout. Planet fans should keep their eyes and ears open for a few easter eggs. And there aren’t any post-credit scenes, but the movie leaves room for another film. 

I give it 4.5 out of 5 stars

Apes falling from the sky – Raka

Noah! – Mae

Careful, son. We are his now – Dar

I will bring them home – Noa

I am Caesar – Proximus

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Not Another Church Movie – Review

Not Another Church Movie – Budget Unknown – 1 hour and 28 minutes

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TV Host Hoprah Windfall wants to pass the torch and find someone to inspire women worldwide. So, she calls God for help. God vows to send his angels to find the person for the job and encourage that person to be a shining light for women. God chooses Taylor Pharry – pronounced Harry – to be the one. He tells Taylor to write a play that will become a national sensation. Taylor thinks he’s hallucinating.

Taylor Pharry is a doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur, and food delivery man. He has a wild family with a host of problems. He helped his cousin, Ellen, divorce her husband, Darnell (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). He knew Darnell would make the divorce difficult, so he called his Aunt Madude to help. Ellen meets a new man, Tallahassee, but her heart is too broken to move on. Later, Taylor’s friend, Julie, calls because she needs a new driver. He calls his cousin, Monte Carlo, to assist. Monte has three little girls and could use the extra income. God reminds Taylor to write a play. However, Taylor can’t come up with an idea. God tells Taylor to use his family. Taylor considers writing about his cousin, Bethany. Her absent father put Bethany in his will. Now, she will meet the Blacks and get to know them. Taylor needs to be careful. Whenever God has a plan, the Devil finds a way to destroy it. 

This parody movie ties all the plotlines you know into one film. However, those plotlines don’t have a solution. It’s stories Taylor will write later to become a famous playwright and media mogul. While the movie pokes fun at church film clichés, it doesn’t produce many laughs. Viewers will have more fun remembering which Tyler Perry flick inspired the storyline. The conclusion feels flat because the movie doesn’t have a definitive ending. It ends with a Beyoncé-Perry joke and a church song. After the credits, they ask the audience to share it. But don’t feel obligated because viewers can wait for this movie to come to cable. 

I give it 1.5 out of 5 stars

I got nowhere else to go – Ellen

I put a little bit of coke in it without the cane – Tallahassee

I should have killed you in the crib when you was born – Madude

I’ve been cheating on you for 12 – Darnell

I need you to become a writer – God

But love busted me out – Monte Carlo

If you don’t close the door, too – Julie

Aww, you so sweet – Beverly

I never answered his prayer – God

Your daughter’s one of my best workers – Ms. Mildew

Also, mandatory church on Sundays – Judge Loreal

Not even God can save your ass now, Madude – Devil

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