The Book of Clarence – Budget Unknown – 2 hours and 9 minutes
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Clarence and Elijah lose a chariot race against Mary Magdalene after a gypsy shoots Clarence in the neck with a dart. A gypsy steals their horses and chariot and pulls Clarence’s robe off him. Then Clarence has to pay Mary for losing the race. Clarence must create a plan because the horses, chariot, and money belong to Jebediah the Terrible. He will kill them for losing it. Then, Clarence sees his identical twin brother, Thomas, with Jesus and his apostles. Clarence doesn’t believe in the Messiah and thinks Thomas’s blind faith caused Thomas to leave their mother on her deathbed. He asks Thomas to introduce him to Jesus, but Thomas says no.
Clarence returns home and promises to give his mother a better life in a larger home. She confides that she loves her current state and wants Clarence to be happy with his crush, Varinia. She gives Clarence a handmade headscarf for Varinia. Clarence and Elijah face Jebediah and alert him about their losses. Jebediah gives Clarence 29 days to come up with the rest of the money, or Jebediah will kill Clarence. Clarence runs to Varinia’s workplace, gives her the headscarf, and begs for help. Jebediah is her brother, but she can’t. Varinia likes Clarence and believes he can do more with his life than run schemes. She warns him to pay Jebediah soon.
Clarence and Elijah relax at a smoke shop. Clarence doesn’t smoke at first but changes his mind. He gets a bright idea after the first puff. He will become the 13th apostle. With the Messiah by his side, Clarence can convince Jebediah to forgive his debt and spare his life. Clarence meets with the apostles and gets a challenge from Judas. Clarence completes the mission, but Judas refuses to let Clarence join them. So, Clarence decides to think bigger. He will learn Jesus’s tricks. Then, use them to gain money and favor. Clarence will declare himself the one and only Messiah. Sadly, Clarence doesn’t know Rome wants to kill anyone who calls themselves the Messiah.
This movie is The Lion King: 1 1/2 for the bible (FTC Affiliate Disclaimer). Clarence lives in parallel to famous events in the bible while conning believers. He thinks knowledge beats belief. So, he preaches about what he knows instead of what he believes. The writers set the film in 33 A.D., but it has themes reminiscent of today, like police harassment, drug use, and miseducation. The writers use the era to handle these heavy topics satirically. The film is in three books – The 13th Apostle, The Messiah, and The Crucifixion. In each, viewers see Clarence evolve. Also, the film explains why people disagree about Jesus’s outward appearance. While the movie starts funny, it concludes on a serious note, like Passion of the Christ. Be prepared to laugh and cringe at the theater, but you won’t need to buy it.
I give it 3.5 out of 5 stars
I can smell you from here, Clarence – Mary
Star is an understatement. They are the sun – Elijah
I’m not a nobody – Clarence
A man who lacks honor is a nobody – Thomas
I am he – Jesus
I am immortal – Barabbas
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