Red One – Budget of $250 million – 2 hours and 3 minutes
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Cal surveys the area while Santa Claus talks to children at the mall. Santa loves doing this and calls it his oxygen before the big day. Christmas is in less than 48 hours, and Santa wants to prep with exercise. Mrs. Claus counts his reps and gingerly walks towards the door when Cal enters, holding an envelope. Mrs. Claus tells Cal to talk to him. Cal is the Captain of Santa’s security team, ELF (Enforcement, Logistics, and Fortication), but wants to resign. After over 500 years with Santa, he sees the sweet kids becoming naughty adults. Cal thinks it’s time for a younger person to take over. Santa sadly accepts Cal’s resignation and asks Cal to stay on until the final run. Cal agrees. He reminisces on a bridge and sees lights flicker in the distance. He calls over the radio for the security team to check the source. When the anomaly continues, Cal questions if anyone has eyes on Santa. He runs to Santa’s bedroom when no one sees him. He finds a broken pitcher of milk and an open balcony door. Cal sees someone driving away with Santa. Cal chases them but loses Santa.
The director of MORA (Mythical Oversight and Restoration Authority), Zoe, has a video call to get an update from Cal. Cal informs Zoe that a team broke through the North Pole cloaking device and kidnapped Santa. Agent Garcia checked the dark web and discovered someone stole equipment to test seismic activity. It could uncover the coordinates of the North Pole. People in the underworld call the person The Wolf. The FBI tried to hire The Wolf, but The Wolf is a tracker for hire. The Wolf’s real name is Jack. Zoe demands that she and Cal work together to locate Jack and discover who hired him.
They find Jack in his apartment, but he fights back. Zoe stuns Jack and ties him to a chair. When he doesn’t offer the information, Zoe orders her soldiers to box Jack up and take him to the North Pole. Cal demands answers and brings Garcia as his reinforcement. Jack says the connection was encrypted. But he added a trojan horse as a backup plan. Zoe will double Jack’s fee if he tracks the client. Jack accepts. He doesn’t know the client but can locate them. The client is in Aruba. Zoe puts a tracker on Jack’s leg before Jack and Cal find Jack’s client.
Cal and Jack locate the client, Tim, a mercenary. Cal defeats Tim’s bodyguards and threatens Tim for a name. Tim is too afraid to say the name and writes it in the sand. Jack reads the name Grýla out loud, and Grýla hears it. She possesses Tim’s body to deliver a warning. Cal quickly adorns spy glasses so Zoe can see and hear the conversation. Grýla believes naughty people don’t fear Santa. She wants the world to be kinder. So, Grýla will go through the naughty list and punish anyone listed, no matter the offense. Cal explains that Grýla is dangerous. Santa’s adoptive brother, Krampus, created the list. Krampus dated Grýla and used the list to punish others. Santa stopped them before their redemption spread. He banished them and hasn’t spoken to Krampus. Grýla needs Santa’s magic to complete her mission to force the world to be nice or else. Can Cal and Jack stop Grýla in time to save Christmas?
The visual effects are fun, but the humor falls flat. The script describes Jack as a level 4 naughty lister. He is a degenerate gambler with a stealing habit. He happily stole candy from a baby after setting a Christmas tree on fire to break into a secure building. Also, he’s neglecting his son, Dylan. Jack’s been this way since he was a child. He doesn’t stop Dylan from following in his footsteps. Jack encourages him and tells Dylan to be better at the con. Cal surveys the world and sees angry, mean, and ungrateful adults. He’s lost his wonder and doesn’t think it will return. Retirement feels like the best option for Cal. Cal and Jack must grow to save Santa, but it becomes boring. This film could be 30 minutes shorter and make the same point.
I give it 3 out of 5 stars
I love kids. It’s the grownups that’s killing me – Cal
Tell me why – Santa
Where is he – Mrs. Claus
We’re doing this one together – Zoe
I didn’t do anything – Jack
I was just leaving – Grýla
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Categories: chris evans, Dwayne Johnson, In The Theater, jk simmons, Lucy Liu, movie, Red One, review
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